Character vs. Reputation

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.  Your character is what you REALLY are, while your reputation is MERELY what others think you are!"     -John Wooden

How to Find You

Okay let’s be honest….no one will ever know, have you ever wished you had features and/or qualities like someone else.  I have, several times.  My first experience with this desire was around six or seven years old.  At such an early age, I found myself wanting to be more like my mother.  I am from a single family home in which my mother was the sole bread winner and I knew early on that my quality of life depended on her.  As a result, I always paid close attention to my mother’s work ethics, personal drives and ambitions.  Witnessing my mother handle her responsibilities so well in the 70’s made her my hero; therefore I wanted so much to echo her in various areas.  I wanted to look like her; she is what we define as light-skinned, and physically framed very well.  She was able to speak her mind freely with eloquence and never allowed people to run over her.  She was awesome in my opinion.  But I soon realized that I didn’t look like her.  I am dark-skinned, full-figured, and beautiful I might add.  Therefore, I had to spend many years discovering myself.  So, let’s talk about how to find ourselves! 

Allow me to start by saying that I think it is okay to admire certain attributes and characteristics of others.  I would even go so far as to confirm that it is within reason to adopt certain traits from others.  Sometimes we gain helpful points that we take on as our own in order to build our character, nevertheless it is very crucial that we embrace who we are as individuals, which leads to a better stay here on earth.  In my personal quest to find me, I focused on what brought out passion from within; I learned what caused me to feel hurt, what caused me to smile, how I influenced others, and then I learned to LOVE it all.  I now embrace my personal make-up and who I am.  All the love and understanding that I have for myself allows me to love others for their differences and how they were developed and fashioned for life.  Nevertheless, in order to capture this love for myself and maintain it, I’ve learned that I must reflect on my life daily.  Therefore, I spend moments throughout the day identifying attributes regarding my personality.  In all honesty and fairness, I must admit there are times when I do not enjoy going through this process out of fear of becoming aware of things I do not like about myself.  But, I became skilled at being committed to this course because the reward is so POWERFUL and fulfilling.  Life can be so enjoyable and purposed when we pledge ourselves to the purpose of our existence!  Therefore, I hope and pray that all of you who read this post will make a personal pledge to becoming more familiar with YOURSELF and what makes you, YOU!

Love,

Mandy

Now Let's Talk Steel Magnolias

As I expected “Steel Magnolias” was wonderfully written and well preformed.  The cast worked great together and their acting capabilities complimented each other without prejudice.  The revised script gave a warm feeling to what a southern African –American family would exemplify with regards to love, family bond, and friendship.  Although, there were many messages for us to gain from, the one in particular that I wanted to make mention of is acceptance!

Understanding that we all are imperfect beings should lead us to the awareness that we all make mistakes in various areas of life, relationship and sisterhood.  It was quite evident that all of the ladies suffered some type of life disappointment and each one dealt with it in their own way.  Nevertheless, each of them knew the other’s struggle and accepted their friend just as she was while allowing room for growth.    I would love to hear what message you gathered from the film….don’t be shy…communicating is good for the SOUL!

P.S. If you had to choose a character that illustrated you within your circle who would it be?  

Love,

Mandy

Steel Magnolias

I often ask myself is there a need for Sister’s Expressions and I have been reminded that YES is the answer!  Here recently the entertainment media has been bombarded with the latest story concerning Nikki Minaj and Mariah Carey.  Again, the image of black women is being portrayed in a negative manner.  I am outraged with all of the naming calling, fighting, and just plain ignorance that those who are representing black America via multi-media within the entertainment industry.  As I am reminded of how hard previous generations worked to improve black image in America, I am almost brought to tears to see this current generation destroying it with little hope of recovery.  However, the saddest point to all of this is our desire to watch ourselves being misrepresented.  We rush home weekly to tuned into all the House Wives shows, R & B Divas, Basketball Wives, etc., without considering the message that we are sending to the world.  Nevertheless, there are many positive black women out there, Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Alfre Woodard and many others in our local communities that we can learn, grow and build upon our reflection as a race of women.  Therefore, I encourage all of us to rethink the message that we send daily!  Yes, let’s show the world that we are not all angry, and confrontational.  That we can get along and we do care for one another!

P.S.  Don’t forget to watch Steel Magnolias, this Sunday, Oct.7^th, on Lifetime at 9:00 Eastern Time.  Although, it is a remake, I’m sure it will be refreshing to watch Sisters sharing and caring for each other!

Love,

Mandy

Women Who Cheat

As a result of divorce and infidelity, we have seen the effects that broken marriages have caused our children as well as society as a whole.  The increase of divorce is influenced by various reasons, one in particular is infidelity.  Due to technology being unfaithful to one’s spouse is made easy and quick.  With dating web pages and cell phones at our finger tips, email addresses, etc., we are bombarded with temptation constantly.  In addition, the influx of acceptability regarding disloyalty has fueled this situation to a fiery disaster.  And within this catastrophe of infidelity are the women who cheat? 

Many have voice their opinions about the reasons why men go outside their main relationships.  The oldest reason regarding our male counter-parts betrayal is the CAT.  But what drives women to join this rat race?  Although, there are several reasons, I believe that one meticulous motive is the lack of affection!   As women a lot of us grew up with the notion that we should be treated like princesses, and although I would love to hold on to this childhood outlook, reality has led me to believe the contrary.  Some of us have been involved with men who are not meeting our needs financially, sociably, or emotionally.  In our efforts to get our needs met we are left to confront our spouses (lovers) who in turn say that we are nagging them.  Nevertheless, out of frustration and disappointment some of us have found comfort in the arms of another.  I do agree that this decision does lead to some type of satisfaction but only temporarily.  Bringing another party into an already sticky circumstance can only lead to more confusion, in addition you could be possibly setting yourself up for more heartache.  Therefore if you are feeling unfulfilled in your current relationship, I suggest that you fight hard for a resolution.  If your significant other is not willing to work with you towards an agreeable declaration than be a SISTER who is able to resolve her own issues, for some that could mean cutting the ties.  But no matter what by all means be respectful to yourself and the person who lives you affect by the decisions you make, here’s to loving relationships! 

Love,

Mandy

 

Breast Cancer Awareness

Today is the first day of BREAST CANCER awareness month.  Sister’s Expression would like to remember all those who fought a good fight and those who loved them.  I am sure they will forever live on in our memories and dreams.  SE is sending special love to Sara Harper-Chatmon and Deirdre Buckles-Alford as they celebrate the lives and legacies of their mothers.  We would also like to remember their mothers for raising such incredible women that I am blessed to have met.  In addition, please take the time to add any other people you would like remembered during this month!

P.S. Remind someone that self-examinations can save their life!

Love,

Mandy

My Husband vs. My Girl

Having been married for eight years, I can still remember the day my ex-husband proposed to me.  It was a Sunday afternoon at church and I was surrounded by friends and family.  Given the fact that my husband to be was the pastor of the church, the proposal was a day that we all were destined to remember.  I was so thrilled to tell my best girlfriends the big news…..I’M GETTING MARRIED!  I’m sure we all can agree that that’s some of the most exciting news to share with your GIRLS.  Although, it is a magical time in a woman’s life, several changes come along with the news.  Having a man in your life takes up a lot of your free time leaving us to deal with one topic in particular; how do we juggle our social life now that we are married?  Do we involve more married couples into our social lives as a couple or should we continue to intermingle with our single girlfriends the majority of the time as though nothing has changed?   And how do we handle bringing and assisting our husbands into accepting our GIRLS?  And most importantly what happens when your husband and your girl just don’t see eye to eye? Of course standing by your man is something you have now vowed to do, but you can’t over look the fact that your girl has been there through many years of laughter, tears, and ups and downs. 

 

From my point of view I believe that the resolution depends on the bond that real girls should have with one another.  Most likely you have shared most of your live secrets with your girl therefore, it is probable that you have shared your low points concerning your man, whether it was infidelity, his lack of income, or his resistant towards affection that type of discussion can lead to built up animosity within your girl.  Nevertheless, from her point of view he doesn’t deserve you and perhaps this is the case or maybe it’s not!  And as it relate to your husband, your girlfriend is conceivably overstepping her boundaries, which is possibly true.  But as I look at it all the solution resides in you!

 

Sharing too much information with your girl regarding your man can be like sharing too much information with your mother.  There are some things that are just between a husband and a wife, unless you really need your girlfriend to help you find your way out when you are 100% certain that your marriage is over.  Also, keep in mind that you must convey to her that her personal thoughts regarding your man out of respect for you should be an emotion that she keep to herself unless it is crucial that you are made aware of a situation.  Also, discuss with your husband that you were an adult and capable of choosing your own friends prior to the marriage, and that if he selected you to be his wife he must trust you in every aspect and that you are quite capable of keeping a healthy balance.

Remember we are creatures that keep evolving and as time process be committed to growing spiritually.  Life never stays the same therefore, the make-up of friendship is subject to same, the concepts of marriage will change and YOU are going to change!  Stay true to yourself and teach everyone how to LOVE YOU!

Love Ya,

Mandy

 

 

A Circle of Lessons

Within the last couple of years, I have joined a circle of friends that are interesting to say the least.  This wonderful group of friends includes men and women and for many of them they have known each other for twenty plus years.  It falls within reason to say that they have all experienced trials and tribulations in their personal lives as well as issues amongst each other.  Given the fact that there are more men within this circle often times these disagreements are overlooked and the friendships move on and continue to strive.  Nevertheless, I feel as though some of the sisters are less capable of doing the same thing.  I have discerned some feelings of low self-esteem, or a feeling of being inadequate. Often times those of us who are wrestling with such issues, make it uncomfortable and irritating for the others who are around them, which is totally uncalled for, taking the time to work on ourselves as individuals would lead to much greater sister-sister relationships.  After knowing these ladies for two years now, I’ll be the first one to admit we are all beautiful and special in our own way. 

Finding my place and staying true to me within this body of friends has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to tackle.  Because I am strong in my personal believes just going along with the flow would not work for me and being me seemed not to work for some of them.  But I realized that they had something to offer me in the area of personal growth, therefore I have committed myself to learning the life’s lesson that would lead to a better Mandy.  One area in particular in which I have grown is how to share my best and personal friends with others.  Given the fact that I am an only child from a single female home and was abandoned by my father, I developed serious trust issues.  Having a close group of friends in high school was easy, but finding a best friend was not always easy after that.  In my opinion women seemed to dislike my strong will to always look great and/or my desire to be the best at my endeavors. As long as I agreed with them or said things to boost their egos, female friends were around.  Nevertheless, while matriculating through college my best friend came along and after introducing her to my new circle of friends, as a result I ended up with two very special friends.  I have also learned the real meaning of forgiveness.  I have witnessed and experienced some very disrespectful things done with our circle, but the majority of us keep on loving each other.  Lastly but not least, I have learned that when others refuse to grow as individuals it is OKAY to cut your ties and move on.  You see a good life for a woman is a well rounded life that has balance; she knows when to stay and when it is time to leave.  She’s a woman who knows herself in-depth, who is not afraid to look in the mirror, one who can face her fears and make adjustments, a lady who is not afraid to walk alone if necessary, one who is willing to walk with others, a woman who celebrate herself as well as others and who is not afraid to go after her dreams, one who is  spiritually rooted and seeks wisdom daily, now that’s a POWERFUL SISTER!  LET’S BE POWERFUL SISTERS TOGETHER AND LIVE LIFE WELL!

In addition, don’t be afraid to learn just where you are, in the past I was accustom to running from situations and relationships that made me uncomfortable, now I look for the lesson in it before moving on if that is what is best! 

Love your sister,

Mandy

Remembering 911

Sister’s Expression would like to send out condolences to all the survivors of 911 (September 11, 2001) and to the family members of those who lost their lives.  Indeed, this tragedy will never be forgotten by Americans.  And although, words can never replace the Americans we lost on that day, it is important that we NEVER forget the ultimate sacrifice that they rendered without having a choice.

The Sister’s

Brutal Truths

During a recent conversation with a friend I realized one of my personality traits; I can sometimes be brutally honest!  During our dialogue, she shared with me that her reason for reaching out to me was because she knew I could be counted on to tell it like it is!   And although, I appreciated the call from my friend, what I could appreciate even more is her ability to receive what I had to say.  There’s nothing more irritating in the area of SISTERHOOD than having a sister ask for the truth and she not be able to cope with your response.  And because of that many friendships between women have been lost.

So let’s talk ladies…. Recently, I have allowed a new friend in my circle and the tables have turned.  I now find myself on the receiving end of her brutal truths.  Now in all honesty, I’ll be the first to admit, it is a little easier when you are in the position of giving advice.  Nevertheless, being the receiver forced me to deal with some emotions that encouraged me to allow these experiences with my new sister to be character building.  You see character building in my opinion help develop one’s inner person, which sets one aside from the norm in the area of relationships & personality. 

So here I am fully engulfed in a conversation with this new sister and she is giving me some hard facts to face in regards to another relationship in my life.  So here is where the BIG DECISION ARISES…do I get offended (when this happens it‘s usually because we’re not ready to face reality and it’s easier to direct the anger towards someone else) or face reality (which requires being totally honest with one’s self).  When the road of offence is chosen sometimes the receiver starts judging the life of advisor.  Others accuse the advisor of not being sensitive, etc., and some even go the extreme of ending a perfectly good friendship. 

Therefore, I would like to encourage all of us to be totally ready to receive advice from your sister when you ask for help.  Again, the number one way that I recommend for being ready is by being HONEST with YOU before asking.  If you know that you are married or with a buster…be willing to hear that!  If you know that you are exactly what your sister is describing concerning your personality or whatever the topic of discussion is, be ready to hear that!  I’ve heard many men say, “my boys are friends for life & girls can come and go”.  I only wish that sisters had that same kind of commitment and cohesiveness.  So many times sister lose each other over men and situations that are simply NOT WORTH IT!  Moreover, if you have a sister out there that you have not spoken with in a while because of some simple or minimal issue please consider mending things! 

Love Ya,

Mandy

Michelle Obama vs. The Reality TV Woman

Growing up in the 70's in Atlanta, GA as a black female for me was interesting and fulfilling to say the least.  During this era black women faced challenges and responded with victory through dedication and perseverance.  The stigma that followed them was that of class, intertwined with strength and high moral standings.  Sisters made their mark in the world by means of education with high regards to upholding their own identities.  Moving on with the same spirit of the civil rights movement, black women embraced themselves in the area of hair, fashion and freedom of speech.  They fought their way in America's business arenas and worked along their white counterparts producing double the amount of work with less pay.  Nevertheless, in the eyesight of a young black girl saw something that I valued and cherished.  Those concealed messages cultivated and shaped my womanhood.  In addition, my goals were influenced and my path of life was created!

As I watched Michelle Obama like many other Americans on last evening, I recognized those BLACK women from the 70's again.  Through her poise and commitment to excellence, she delivered a message for the people that could not be erased.  There she stood with all the qualities that use to impress young black girls from my era.  EDUCATION (check), INTELLIGENCE (check), DRESSED TO IMPRESS (check) and SUCCESSFULLY AND PROFESSIONALLY COMPETING WITH HER WHITE COUNTERPARTS (check).  Not once did she mentioned the name of that other guys, she just stayed on course and delivered an impressive speech of persuasion.

Nevertheless, I was left to ponder the question:  why isn't that type of black women the majority?  Although, I still reside in Atlanta, GA, that kind of black women is not easily spotted.  Instead, we are bombarded with the REALITY TV black women.  I DEMAND MORE! We are more having the desire to share men (I've been guilty of that myself), more than our breast & big butts, and more than HATERS of each other!!!  We are more than a KEEPER OF MEN (men use to take care of women, now we are taking care of them).  And what type of silent messages are we embedding into the next generation of black women?  Therefore, I am challenging myself to rethink my stance as a BLACK WOMEN and make SOME CHANGES....WILL YOU JOIN ME?  Please feel free to leave your comments!

Mandee/Mandy

Never Judge A Book or a Man by the Cover

Many times as adults we find ourselves in compromising and unhealthy relationships due to own insecurities.  Most of these uncertainties come from our childhood and some stem from previous relationships.  Nevertheless, we are faced with discovering ways and strategies to change our circumstances.  In the quest to find a healthy place for myself I discovered some things that made me fall victim to the ill will of some of the men who have crossed my path.  I also became aware of several ways to combat these types of situations from repeating themselves.  Therefore, I am willing to share to perhaps to help someone else.

As it relates to ending up on the wrong side of love I learned that I suffered from the need to belong to someone at any cost.  In addition, my fear of being alone clouded my ability to use common sense and miss red flags that were clearly visible and detectable.  Therefore, as I yearned to be healed from these types of poisonous relationships I was faced to accept my own responsibilities!  Confessing one's areas of need and/or lack can be beneficial in starting your road to recovery.  Therefore, my main strategy was to seek help from others who were strong in the areas I needed help.  I learned to do things opposite from what my natural instincts would normally lead me to do.  I've learned the need to seek more wisdom and discernment when faced with new suitors.  But, the biggest responsibility that I have learned is to "never judge a book or a man by it's cover".  Taking one's time when getting to know someone new requires an enormous amount of time.  Within this probationary time meeting his friends/family and really listening to them will reveal the untold story of a person's life.  Listening does not only require one sense of just physical listening, but it also means discovering how their friends interact in various areas of his life.  For instance would they be willing to recommend him for a job, could they call on him if they were in a financial crisis, etc.  Yes, ladies ensuring that you have what you would consider a "good man" involves doing you homework!  Obtaining an undergraduate degree takes four years and the final outcome should lead to a better quality of life.  Nevertheless, I'm not saying it will take four years to get to know your "Mr. Right" but I am conveying the message that there are several courses one should pass before you decide to Major in love with him!

Therefore, if you currently find yourself in a relationship that is not worth majoring in be REAL when you observe the pros and the cons of your interaction with him.  Do not LIE to yourself or try to make someone be something that they are not. Start imaging your life with the type of man you are desiring and create a plan on how to recognize him once he cross your path.  Give out positive energy and God your Creator will make certain that you meet him, according to your FAITH!  And while doing those things, get over that current loser while you are with him which can be done putting yourself first!  Stop meeting his needs and/or demands (don't enable his behavior).  Just recognize the lack of interest he has in meeting your needs and/or demands.  Finally, make a solid decision on ending it  and when you are ready EXECUTE!  GIVE HIM THE BOOT......Now he's gone and you GOOD!!!

The Girlfriend Who's Always the Victim

As we all can agree having friends is one of the most rewarding part of life!  Maintaining good purpose for a friendship, understanding the character and moral system of a friend along with superb communication skills are all attributes that will help sustain amity.  Nevertheless, there are times when we intermingle with sisters with interesting personality traits.  For the instance, the know it all sister or "the girlfriend who is always the victim." 

So you have this friend who is out going full of energy and you actually enjoy spending time with her.  However, she never takes responsibility for her s_it!  Whether she gossips about you to your friends, mishandle a situation by choosing to share your personal business, set you up on a date from hell or leave you stranded somewhere. She is never able to simply say, "I messed up!"  Instead, she turns the story around and somehow becomes the victim.  Her reason for gossiping about is "I didn't mean any harm, we were just talking and it came up". Regarding sharing your personal information, " I was so upset for you I didn't know what to do or I wasn't thinking".  And that date from hell she proclaims, "he seemed nice and he has a job" but all along she need he was a womanizer. And for leaving you stranded, "I saw you dancing with that guy, I assumed you knew him and had a ride".  Nevertheless, your story may vary concerning your girlfriend who is always the victim but you have her in mind right now!

So how do with deal with such a friendship?  I welcome you viewpoints!

The Know It All Girlfriend!

So you have this great friend who you really enjoy spending time with.  She is your best girlfriend to do most  extracurricular activities with.  She's great at dancing, very well in social atmospheres, and has the most flexible schedule than one could ever hope for!  But there's just one characteristic trait that she has that absolutely drives you up a freaking wall.  She is a know it all friend!  I mean she's an expert regarding sports, clothes, medicine, I mean you name it she has experienced it.  Yes...you get the picture, the topic of discussion doesn't make a difference.  She's simply been there and has done that

Well here is my advise!  I am sure we all will agree that listening is an extremely important aspect to having great communication skills.   And since this friend has proven to be knowledgeable in so many different arenas, it is evident that she has not mastered the ability of LISTENING.  Therefore, when you are having one of those days where her behavior is over bearing try developing a soft but intense stare and look her directly in her eyes and do not give her a verbal response in the least.  Hopefully, this would bring about a sense of awareness regarding how uncomfortable you are!    Perhaps, if we are consistent with this practice one day she will ask for an in depth explanation.  Nevertheless, this is only my opinion and I look forward to  reading your thoughts and strategies on how to handle "The Know It All Friend!"